Does Terror Train deserve a Harry Potter remake?

 

Terror Train is complicated.  On a basic level, one could call this your basic slasher flick - although there is not a lot of blood. You have the prerequisite setup taking place 3 years in the past, there are the typical asshole college kids who like to play pranks and never realize they have consequences, and the the hottie quota is filled by by Jamie Lee Curtis (in her last Non-Halloween horror role, Sandee Currie, Joy Boushel, and singer Vanity (billed as D.D. Winters and playing the role of Merry, David Copperfields assistant).

David Copperfield and Vanity

Wait, what....David Copperfield....the magician?  You read that right, Copperfield basically plays himself - a hired magician to entertain the passengers on the train.  Of course, there are skeptics among the passengers, but his "magic" is just to good.   I  am sure you are again thinking - What???? This movie takes place on a train? You guessed it. Somehow, these college kids were able to afford charting a party train to celebrate New Years on.  I guess their fraternity is flush with cash, and they are able to afford this unique way to party.

At least we can identify the killer through his unique appearance.  Try again - the way (DIRECTOR) keeps you guessing is that, not is this a New Year's Eve part...but everyone is wearing costumes.  The killer swaps out his disguise with those he killed, and this works out as a great plot device to keeps thing fresh and the audience guessing.

If I were to end this review right here (without spoilers) - I would say this is a fun holiday Slasher, and would be a must watch for New Years, especially with the unique - Horror on a Train aspect.  Jamie Lee again demonstrates why she is the Scream Queen.  Both Steph and I found her a definite plus to the movie.  You also get some solid performances by the supporting cast - especially from the Conductor, played by Hollywood legend Ben Johnson (I always think of him in Red Dawn).  There are some pacing issues, continuity problems and (lets face it) the movie is dated.  Aside from Curtis, Johnson, Vanity and Copperfield, the remaining cast are virtually unknowns - and this leads to a drop off in acting ability.  Steph thought the movie could have done without Copperfield, but for me...it got my mind racing towards a potential reboot (more on that in a minute).  In the end, I would still highly recommend this movie, especially if you are hosting a New Year's Eve watch party.

                         

As for the reboot idea- I now challenge you to watch the movie, and think "What if we re-made this" as a "Harry Potter Universe" Slasher film.

 

Instead of some college kids charting a train - you have the kids going home on the Hogwarts Express for the holidays (thus maintaining the tie to New Year's Eve", in particular the plot could follow 5th, 6th and 7th years - but still have the younger kids running around for tension.

All the pranks, they could be attributed to playful nature of the Hogwarts students...and you could even have tension from the various houses playing jokes on each other.  The severed hand prank plays particularly well to this, as that is definitely something a Slytherin could pick up at Borgin and Burkes (especially if it is cursed).  Wizard spells going off, scared first years - this would be epic. 

As an added twist, imagine the humor of David Copperfield's character The Magician being a muggle who is hired to entertain with "Magic", ultimately even impressing the muggle hating Slytherins with his slight of hand. Use of magic (such being an Animagus or the use of Polyjuice Potions), the chaos of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and interactions with characters, such as the Hogwarts Express Conductor and the Trolley Witch, would really add a Potterverse feel to the movie, and (IMO) put this over the top.

Obviously, if you have never seen Terror Express, then none of this makes sense.  You can pick up a BlueRay copy here on Amazon (https://amzn.to/2WgO54x), or you can watch the full movie below on YouTube (sorry about the Hungarian subtitles).  

So please, check out the movie and let us know what you think in the comments below?  Does it deserve a remake and place in the Potterverse?  Is it a passable slasher?  Does it move up to you #1 spot of favorite New Year's Eve Horror Movies?